Wednesday, February 4, 2015

hey hey!

Hello! I know I know. It's been months, years, decades since I've blogged.  Let me explain...
I forgot my password. Yep. That's all. 

Well that was part of it. The other part was that I felt like I would have to address the fact that for the past 2 years I haven't felt like myself. My brain and body have been on baby-making mode and I was so very sad with the hand that we've been dealt. So very sad.  Like piano on my back, weight of the world, too many tears shed on Mike's shoulder type of sad. And I cry GIANT ugly tears.  My husband really really loves me. :) 

Well, 1 surgery, 3 failed IUI attempts and a bathroom vanity FULL of medications, we are now half way through IVF, I can say I am feeling so so so much more like myself than I have been for the past 2 years of monthly sadness.  I like plans, I like lists, IVF has given me this.  I get to check things off a list and watch the really expensive medications dwindle. These are the joys of my life right now and I couldn't be happier that we are making our way towards a baby. I know we aren't there yet, but I feel more positive about our journey than ever before.  This is our journey, we trust that a little bundle of joy will end up in our arms exactly that the time that God decides.

This. will. happen.  

So, that's why I've been avoiding you. It's not you. It's me. For 2 years, that conversation in the above would have lead to buckets of tears. Now, I don't have a single Kleenex within arms reach. Actually that's not true, I am my mother's daughter, there always seems to be a used Kleenex in my pocket.  

And so now that we've got that out in the open (and I've figured out how to access ye ol' blog again) I hope to stop by more often, and I hope you do too. 

Until then, Mike and I were due for new phones and finally upgraded to the iPhone 6. Hello, the cameras on these babies are amaze-balls! like, whoa-i-can't-stop-taking-selfies-I-must-be-a-teenager-again-this-camera-is-fantastic type of camera.  So, because I'm totally cray cray over the selfie camera, we've been taking nightly family selfies.  It might just need it's own hashtag. 

1 comment:

Conor and Kerri said...

Yay! So glad you're back - I've missed seeing you here! Also, so, so happy to hear you feel like yourself. Praying for you as you journey through this process.